Yabba Dabba Who?!?

So Flintstones Multivitamins are still on the market and, according to their website, available in four varieties.

First Digression: Flintstones Gummies: To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg, “All pills are chewable; it’s just that most taste like shit.” Why teach children that medicine’s easy –no, almost awesome – to swallow? Will Viagra 3.0 be chewable? Valtrex Extra Strength?

Second Digression: Flintstones Plus: “My child’s urine isn’t quite opaque enough. Isn’t there some product that will allow me to spend more? This will balance out all those Happy Meals, right?”

Main Bitch: Why are these still on the market at all? Does their target demographic even recognize the shapes they’re ingesting? Where’s Patrick and fucking Squidward? (Aside: My family was too poor/smart for Flintstones vitamins. Did anybody ask mom for a Dino instead of a Bam-Bam?)

When I was young, a kid could catch reruns of The Flintstones in syndication even over the air. They sucked hard but they were cartoons. (I watched Scooby Doo for the same reason.) In today’s 2000-channel reality, a kid would have to search awfully hard to watch a bad rip-off of The Honeymooners (which also sucks. And before you start to argue, allow me to rejoin you with the fact that I watch plenty of B&W that doesn’t suck. And is still funny today.).

“Hey Mom! Aren’t these the jerks who sell the colorful Rice Krispies and aren’t funny at all? Gimme three!”

Sidenote: My buddy at work says his wife makes her Rice Krispies treats with Fruity Pebbles. That’s a great idea. Maybe I should broker the deal between Post and Kellogg’s. Thanks, Buddy-At-Work’s Wife.